Hi! Sorry for the late update! The life-section is long. And it took a long time to write XD
Life:
For summer, I have been hella busy.
In short though, for the first half of summer (I daren't say what's happening the second half yet)
What I thought I was doing
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What I’m actually doing/ trying to do
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AKA What I signed up for and
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What this means
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Molecular Biology Lab
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4 hrs of lab, twice a week *
5-8 hour lab reports**
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0 classes
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AP Comp Sci in 5 weeks*
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Work
Research
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Work
Research/ trying to get stuff done and log hours in.
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CSET (teacher credential exam)
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Putting cramming skills to the test**
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Sleep
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Unable to wake up until 11..or 4.***
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Writing/ wiring on projects
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Don’t even have enough content to keep up with weekly blog posts
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Time to play and improve at League
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Flailing and failing
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Getting organized
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Room still a mess.
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* Lab and Comp Sci are actually really fun and interesting. So I'm not complaining here. XD
** Only because I work hella slowly at academic stuff.
*** On the night after my CSET, I went to sleep around 1 and woke up at 15:00 the next day. I didn't actually get off the bed until 16:00.
If you're bored, this is an ad nauseum kinda script about how the conversation went on in my head:
End of Spring Quarter:
Mini: I can't wait until summer! For the first half of summer, I'm only taking molecular biology lab and studying for the CSET (teacher credentialing test) early July. :) :)
Friends: ....o_O
Mini: And work.
Friends: O_O
Mini: And research.
Friends: .....O_O! (kinda maybe...ambitious?....)
Mini: Well it's going to be better than these last two quarters have been anyways ^_^
Family: kk. whatever you say, you deal with it.
From the First Week of Summer:
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| Except this summer, I'm the High Expectations Asian father, talking to myself. >.<" |
WorkMini/ the mini that works and makes moolah: I know right? Because of all the extra time, I've been able to work more! Making bank! :D
NerdyMini/ the idealistic student mini : Omigosh there's this new AP Computer Science class at the tutoring center I work.....
WorkMini: Sounds like a great opportunity!
NerdyMini: Ikr! It's Java! I'm taking introductory programming in the fall anyways....and it even fits perfectly into my schedule!
WorkMini: Yay!
LazyMini: waitwait hold up. Even if it's just a intro to stuff you'll be learning in school, it's still a class. Like, homework and quizzes.
WriterMini: yea and if you still want to do CampNaNo or all the other writing projects.....
<Here the Nerdy and Work Minis tie up Lazy and Writer Minis. Nerdy Mini successfully signs up for the Java class. ^_^>
NerdyMini: I'm so excited!
After Summer School starts:
Mini/ the mini that has to actually put everything together and get stuff done: FML.
Optimistic Mini: It's ok. It'll all be better after the CSET is behind us.
Mini: You're right. Stay positive....OH SHOOT the CSET. *studycramstudy*
After the CSET:
Mini: YAY FINALLY SLEEP zzzzzzzzzZZZzZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZzzz
Lab report and comp sci hw: ......hey....we're kinda still....not done...or even started.
Writing projects: Seriously, man. Not cool. You keep switching up which one of us you're dating, but it's all in name anyways because it's not like you actually go on dates with us anyways.
Research project: Me too...*sniffle* You said we could be together this summer....but you're neglecting me again.... *weep*
Blog: Hey me too! You put me on hiatus for a month and now that it's summer you can't even get around to seeing me once a week?
Mini: FML.
Exercise: Hi! I had a reservation for this summer?
But even if I've got a lot on my plate and I'm still trying to juggle everything around, I'm really enjoying what I'm doing. Mol Bio isn't actually as hard as I thought it would be; I'm keeping up, and I'm enjoying the challenges. I'm super excited about the comp sci class, as I tell my coworkers whenever they ask.
>>>>http://instagram.com/p/mbfsC0yRX0/?modal=true
(Something motivational from earlier in the school year, and completely applicable here XD)
Today's writing bit is more like a rant I wrote based off a poem/ prose poem/ I-think-it's-a poem-so-suck-it that one of my friends scribbled onto my computer. As always, I hope you enjoy it!
Without further ado:
[Untitled]
By Jesus Castro
sometimes i want to…..Below is the rant/ little reflection thing I wrote, inspired by the above. It pretty much follows what I feel like when I get miserable or introspective or generally reflective.
sometimes i need to…..
sometimes i feel like dying….
the air thick….
the light dim….
the blade sharp….
does it end or does it begin….
who knows…
WC: 680
Sometimes I want to fly, to leap off the balls of my feet and soar into the metaphorical battlefield of life and work. To charge in there, blades spinning out and back. I conquer the field with magic. My movements are swift, perfectly timed, and accented by eerie mystery. I sweep my hand and the blades transform into a staff, bladed on one side, and a pointed, pen-like wand on the other. A shard of ice bursts from the tip of my wand and the enemies are frozen to the ground, merciless at the string of elements I follow up with.
Sometimes I need to work, to just sit there and accept that I’ve messed up my own life with the poor decisions I’ve made. Sometimes I need to just stop making excuses for myself and come to terms with my defeat. But then, and more importantly, I need to change it. I need to make a plan, but more importantly follow it. Sometimes it’s just hours of grueling sitting there, chipping away at an assignment.
Sometimes I feel like dying, when I’m tired and drained and I still have all this work piled ahead because I wasn’t working. And I whisper that death would be like rewinding the clock, back to when I was young and had all the time in the world to build good habits and good skills and good relationships—and stuff that isn’t actually too late for me to get now.
The air thick around me, I wrap myself in my miseries and turn into a depressing little monster, bloated with my arrogance, languid with my laziness, rotting with my guilt. I glop around for a while, reeking of negativity and writing with anger. After a while of this though, I cast off the cloak of negativity, because I think it doesn’t quite fit me. I’m much more suited for clear days with a light breeze—optimism and bright, cheery, naivety, and a vigor that can’t be contained.
The light dim on the path ahead of me, I search—as I have, for some kind of light—for “who I am”. I learn though, maybe too late, that we don’t ever really find ourselves by searching for it. Rather, we realize who we are as we go out and try everything that strikes our fancy. The light’s not found sitting in the corner of a passive mind, waiting to light the way. It’s born as we stumble though the darkness and find our bearings slowly, with great struggle.
The blade sharp at my head, I tremble. It's threateningly close and jeering at my fright. This is the main part of the test—convincing the world holding the blade that I am trying and that my efforts are worth rewarding. It might be a facade. It might be a genuine plead. It might be a little bit of both—a true emotion, but a little exaggerated for the purposes of the mask. It’s this act that everyone tells me I’m good at, but whenever I look in the mirror, I see a ripped costume and bleary makeup and actions that were hastily choreographed.
Does it end or does it begin—my life, from this moment? Am I rushing towards failure or plowing towards success? I want a map. I want to know. I want to read a guidebook and repeat the answers, so I can pretend that I know what I’m doing and that I’m intelligent. But that’s somehow wrong, I also believe. In the confusing law of ethics and morality or humanity and idealism, reading the answers somehow feels wrong. Instead I ought to plunge into the unknown, like the image of myself flying into battle, confident and powerful and graceful. Except I’m not quite powerful or graceful. Not yet anyways. I can keep striving forward, taking tiny steps so I might not be seduced by sloth. But I wonder if the dreams in my head are actualizing themselves? Will my plans will work and my life will go where I want to go?
Who knows?
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